Ghost in the House
by Myhoniahaka
Summary: For the past year, the ghost in Sasuke's house has broken things beyond repair. Today, he did something about it. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto

* * *

People called him crazy.

Sasuke couldn't blame them. If someone told him a year ago he'd have gone from the least superstitious person to the most, he'd have thought them a lunatic. But here he was, broken vase at his feet. Glass shards shimmered in the blinding sunlight. Damn ghost refused to leave his blinds shut. Water slipped in between his toes, casting an unpleasant wetness into his feet.

"Why?" He asked.

Four dishes, two vases, and a window. All broken within the week. He'd spent the past year hiring professionals to fix all the house repairs and replaced every fragile item that ended up broken on the floor. Itachi nearly had him admitted to a mental hospital the first time Sasuke spoke of a ghost. And when Itachi was invited over, Sasuke hoped to show his brother that the ghost existed. But nothing broke when guests visited. The ghost was silent with strangers, never breaking anything and never causing a ruckus.

He strode over to the fridge, glare fixed plainly upon his face. Scribbled on a notepad he'd left for the ghost to communicate with were the words he'd seen too many times this past year.

 _It was ugly._

"That's no reason to break my vase. Just because you don't like quality shit doesn't give you reason to break it."

 _Asshole. I did you a favor._

"And stop opening my curtains. I like it dark."

It was painfully clear the ghost despised only Sasuke. When Sakura, a severely underpaid nurse, came by to visit, the ghost had brought over his leftover birthday cake. That was the one and only time it had showed itself to strangers. Sakura has stared blankly at the hovering cake, blinked only a couple times before smiling. It was with unnerving grace that Sasuke took in her next words.

"I didn't know you had a ghost here. I've got one too. She's so nice. Does yours cook for you? Mine does. Ino makes the best pancakes." She had said. It still sent shivers up his spine. How anyone could talk so calmly about an undead being Sasuke didn't know. But Sakura clearly had a different ghost from Sasuke. Never did _he_ get meals out of his unwelcome guest. In fact, the most he got was a broken house and a name calling notepad.

"And for the record, I don't go around ruining other people's lives. The only ass here is you." Sasuke said. The notepad had nothing else written. And upon realizing the ghost had gone silent _again,_ he paced to his bedroom, turned on the tv, and watched some stupid soap opera.

A couple minutes into the movie, a familiar chill settled beside him. Sasuke's eye twitched, mouth biting into his lower lip in frustration. _That damn ghost._ The ungrateful bastard insisted on freeloading off Sasuke's tv. It felt as if a shard of ice had nestled into the couch. Why was it so cold, anyways? Sasuke kept the thermostat at seventy, for God's sake. Courtesy would say that ghosts should be warm to ensure the living tenants of the house didn't freeze. But no, ghosts just had to be cold, didn't they?

"I hate you." Sasuke said.

A notepad sat idly in the air, a pen tapping it every now and then. There was no lap that it lay on, no fingers holding the pen. It was a strange thing to see random objects hovering around. Sasuke had long since gotten used to it. But still, every now and then, and especially when steaming bowls of ramen floated up the stairs, Sasuke found himself wanting to murder that goddamn ghost.

But that was impossible because it was already dead.

How did ghosts eat, anyways?

He pushed his hand through the freezing air beside him. The notepad flipped through the air, the ghost leaving his side to run anywhere from Sasuke. _You deserve it._ He thought. It wasn't the first time Sasuke had shoved his body through the ghost. And no matter how often he did it, the ghost never failed to startle.

"I'm sorry, did I scare you?"

The notepad was picked up by an invisible force, pen scribbling angrily on paper. Sasuke smirked. It never ceased to amaze him how easily startled it was. Over and over, Sasuke scared a ghost and it still had yet to scare Sasuke once. It was kind of backwards, but it was what it was.

The notepad flipped over to Sasuke's eyes.

 _Do you want me to start walking through you? Past residents said it felt as if someone was about to murder them._

"Immature brat. Get out of my house."

 _There is nothing I would love to do more._

"I'm going to bed. You know the drill. Out of my room."

Sleep was his only peace. The ghost, while unfathomably a horrid guest, respected Sasuke's wish to sleep alone. After his room picked up its normal temperature, Sasuke pulled the blankets over his shoulders and closed his eyes.

"I swear, if anything is broken when I wake up…"

* * *

Sasuke rung the doorbell, taking a step back as he waited for Sakura to answer. Last night was the last straw. He could handle broken glass, paying for repairs, and tolerating lowered temperatures, but threatening him? No. He wouldn't take it anymore. The ghost was leaving whether it wanted to or not. He'd been researching common exorcism all day, but thought to ask Sakura before taking action. She did, after all, live with a ghost too. If exorcism would fail, maybe she knew another alternative.

"Sasuke. I wasn't expecting you." Sakura said upon answering the door. Her hands wrung together nervously, feet shuffling where she stood. Sasuke raised a brow, hoping he didn't actually have to _ask_ to be let in.

Sakura opened the door wider, allowing him through. "It's a bit of a mess. Me and Ino got in a fight last night. She can't yell, so she throws things instead."

"Ino's your ghost, right?"

Sakura cringed, taking a seat at the couch, nodding as she patted the seat beside her. Uncombed hair frazzled upon her head. Dark bags protruded under forest green eyes, and if he looked closely enough, he saw the whites of her eyes rimmed red. "She's been holed upstairs all day. Doubt she'll come down. I feel really bad."

That was unexpected. When Sakura had told him her ghost was nice, he thought she meant it was chivalrous, not a friend. That could be problematic. What if Sakura thought all ghosts were nice? What if she withheld information under the pretense that Sasuke's ghost was like hers?

"How do I get rid of it? The ghost, I mean. Mine causes such a ruckus. Always breaking shit. Last night was the last straw. Fucking threatened me."

Sakura's eyes widened, horror morphing into her expression. "Get rid of _it? It?_ You realize they used to be people, right?"

"Used to be." Sasuke said, "now they're ghosts. How do I kill it? Or at least make it leave the house."

"It's no wonder your ghost causes problems. I would too if the only person in my life treated my like garbage."

He came here for answers, not a lecture. Sasuke crossed his arms, eyes narrowed down at her. Patience had never been a strong suit of his. But then again, a year of nothing but broken glass and anyone would be fed up.

"Your point, Sakura?"

She lifted her head, looking absolutely arrogant. Did she think no one could question her logic? So what if she had a nice ghost? Not everyone was gifted with pleasant people in life. His experience was different from hers. It was not fact that all ghosts were capable of reason.

"Ino caused loads of problems before I decided to talk to her. You give your ghost something to write with, right? Most problems she had stemmed from not being able to talk to anyone. Your ghost might be the same."

"It has a notepad and pen. Talkings no problem."

"That's good. Have you tried talking to your ghost?"

"Yes."

"Reasonably?"

"It can't be reasoned with."

"I thought so too. Ino was always breaking things. Writing threatening messages on mirrors. Did you know most ghosts were murdered? That's why they're still here. They can't move on. But anyway, they have nothing to do. No one to talk to. After I sat down and _spoke_ with Ino, she calmed down. No more broken figurines or anything. I was nice to her, and she was nice to me."

"But how do I get rid of it?"

She gave a growl of frustration. Haughty bitch. _Shut up before you make a fool of yourself._

"You can't. They're trapped in the place they died. But you shouldn't want to. Ino compares ghost killing fanatics to murderers.

That was it then. He came here for help and only got a lecture on how horrible he was. Sakura had never been this unreasonable before. When her high school crush on him wore thin, she was tolerable to be around. And over the years, he'd grown to see her as a friend. But this was ridiculous.

"Can you be anymore useless? God, I bought that house. I need privacy. Ghosts are not even supposed to exist."

"So ask for privacy. They can't leave the house, but they can isolate themselves in a room without you. Even when you don't want them to."

"I ask for one thing." He said, storming to the door. He swung it open, taking one last look inside before slamming it shut. "Bitch can't give me any answers, can she? Nothing to help."

The logic in his mind knew that labeling her a bitch was a dick move. But what else was he supposed to do? He came all this way and she gave him nothing.

He supposed the self-proclaimed ghost catchers would have to due. He'd pay them a visit tomorrow, though. Tonight, he wanted to relax.

Too bad he'll be relaxing with someone else.

Never before had he wanted to scream so desperately.

* * *

Noodles slurped into thin air, broth slipping from the bowl and onto his stain free couch. A pair of chopsticks waggled around the soup. This was far worse than watching an innocent bowl of ramen float down the stairs. Not because a ramen bowl was floating, but because it was on his couch.

And that wasn't even the worst part.

In horror, Sasuke watched as bitten noodles were spat into a separate bowl. A strange, whiny whimper emitted from Sasuke's mouth. And from the noise came the silence of noodles no long slurping into some ghost's intangible lips.

"What the fuck?" Sasuke said, slack jawed. "Did you just backwash?"

It hit him like a hammer. In the past year, he had never seen the ghost eat. Bowls of dinner and leftovers often floated to the upstairs room, but never did the ghost eat at the table. Never had he seen the process of how ghosts fucking eat.

But he'd always questioned how it was possible.

And it was absolutely, positively the most horrifying and disgusting thing he'd ever lay eyes on.

He suddenly wished he'd never walked through the front door. Perhaps people were onto something when they said ignorance was bliss.

"Have you always done that?"

Those dishes were the fanciest and most expensive he could find.

"It's disgusting, man. What the fuck?"

The bowl of soup was set on his coffee table. The notepad and pen lifted from from the table and Sasuke waited for the explanation. Foot tapped on wooden floors, eye twitching.

 _Like an ass deserves any explanation. And this really makes me wonder why I have such bad luck with tenants. All of them assholes, I tell you. All of 'em._

"Those were my dishes."

The bowl crashed into the wall by Sasuke's head. Soup splattered into his hair, wall, and carpet. Sasuke clenched his fists. Another dish broken. Another mess for him to clean. And another one-sided screaming match to serve.

"Really, ghost? Throwing shit when you could just write it down. Can you be any less mature?"

 _Fuck you, Uchiha. I've spent far too many years cooped up in this hellhole to take any fucktards asshole behavior. I do what I damn well wanna do. This is my house. Always has been. Always will be. So, fuck off._

Red faced, breath heavy, Sasuke took a step forward. Despite his wishes, he was reminded of Sakura's words. Ino only started being nice when Sakura was nice. It made sense, even if he didn't want it to. Taking a deep breath, Sasuke willed himself to calm down. He could try Sakura's advice, see if it worked. But if this ghost overstepped even a little bit, exorcism was where Sasuke would go.

"What's your name?" Sasuke said. He resisted the urge to cringe. Those words came from nowhere. And the ghost knew it too as the pen was no longer scribbling.

 _Excuse me?_

"Are you deaf? I asked your name."

That was so not what he was going for. Pleasantries, he was ashamed to admit, was not where he practiced. He was more into silent brooding. Itachi often teased him for it. But no one could force Sasuke to speak. And silence was his preferred method of working.

 _Give me one reason why I should give it._

"I don't know. Sakura said to try being nice. It's that or call the exorcists."

He wanted to eat his words the moment they left his mouth.

 _So, you only want to know because Sakura told you to. Super nice. I'm just dying to give you my name now._

Sasuke threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. "It's just a name."

 _You should go to bed._

Eye twitching, Sasuke snarled at the ghost before stomping to his room. _Good for nothing ghost._ Some time alone would certainly be nice. Maybe he could rehearse his next attempt as niceties.

Next attempt, yeah right.

* * *

Binge watching with a bowl of popcorn and a shit ton of chocolate was not his plan for the evening. But after the ghosts hissy fit and his own spur of anger, some junk food was definitely in order. Healthy it was not. It went against the diet he worked his ass off to make. But one day wouldn't hurt. And with the ghost silently watching in the corner, Sasuke thought it best that some movie time was in order to calm them both down.

The ghost had come in silently, not opening the door as usual, but walking _through it._ Sasuke suspected it didn't want him to know it was there. But the room turned into a familiar chill and it didn't take long to figure it out. The ghost was unusually quiet. Excluding the bowl, nothing had been broken. It had settled in a corner like a scared animal. So different was it from its usual behavior that Sasuke said not a thing as it stumbled in.

From his peripheral, he saw a notepad ease onto the bed. The coldest part of the room was kneeling on the floor, so he assumed that was where it had moved to.

 _My name's Naruto._

Sasuke blinked, pausing the movie. He stared down at the page. Naruto, huh? Strange name.

"Can you stop breaking things?"

 _Can I get my own tv?_

"Maybe someday. Can't afford it now."

 _I never liked breaking shit anyways._

Sasuke blinked, surprised by the answer. He leaned back onto his bed, eyeing the notepad and pen wearily. Maybe Sakura was onto something. If Naruto could be reasoned with, then no longer would Sasuke have a major problem. Privacy would still be an issue, but so long as Naruto listened to him, there shouldn't be a problem.

 _But seriously, Sasuke. I need my own tv._

* * *

 **Authors Note:** Just a little something I whipped up a couple weeks back. Initially, I wasn't going to publish it, but changed my mind soon after. Anyway, it's definitely not my best writing. But it sure as hell was fun.


End file.
